"I'm back!" - If you read that with bells and whistles, extreme enthusiasm and cheers, you must be one of the few people who read my blog. And I'm happy to announce that I'm blogging again for those of you who do want to read about our lives.
In way of explanation: I took a three month break because my mother was in the last few months of her mortal existence. My mind and heart were constantly with her. I managed to make good memories during the past three months, many of those memories revolved around my mom. And I plan on sharing those stories and pictures with y'all over the next few weeks.
My mother passed away on January 12th. She had been diagnosed a little over a year ago with a rare blood disorder. We knew it was coming. I thought I was prepared... but I wasn't. It's been hard learning how to navigate this life without my daily phone calls to my mom. And I miss her love, comfort, and encouragement. But I also am truly grateful for her example of courage and how to be amazing!
Isn't my mom beautiful?!
I really do miss her so much!
(This picture was taken the week before Thanksgiving.)
So... let me start by saying that my mom was my biggest fan. She loved reading my blog and would want me to continue. This is for her.
Here's a speech I wrote about her for my Toastmasters International Speech Contest (and I'll be "performing" it on February 18th for the area contest):
CULTIVATING COURAGE
A 19 year
old girl in 1966 left her family and childhood home in Colorado. She traveled
clear across the ocean to Germany to marry her army medic. She had never been without her parents,
brother and sister. She had never left
the United States before. She didn’t
speak any German. And she felt
completely alone. To heighten her
anxiety, she flew on the German airline, Luftanza, where no one could
communicate with her.
As I reflect
on my mother’s youthful journey to marry my dad, I marvel at her courage. She told me how afraid she was, but she
pushed through her fear and moved forward having faith that she was doing the
right thing. Many years later she still
recalls that experience and is surprised at her own strength and
fortitude.
Nelson Mandela
said, “Courage is not the absence of fear – it’s inspiring others to move
beyond it.” That is how my mother has
lived her life. Through my mother’s
example I have learned a lot about cultivating courage.
My mother certainly
stepped out of her comfort zone when she flew to Germany 56 years ago. It’s definitely not easy for anyone to
abandon a place where they feel safe. Expanding
our boundaries can help us gain experience, learn new things and discover new
opportunities. My mother learned this
lesson well. She loved living in Germany
for two years. She loved learning the
language. She loved meeting the people.
Her courage allowed her to take advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
My mother
struggled with starting a family, she taught me that sometimes courage is
continuing to move forward despite the depression and not knowing what the
future holds. My parents were not able
to have children for several years.
After a LOT of trying and unfulfilled pregnancies, I was finally
born. As I read my mother’s journals during
those years, I learned about her despair and fear of never becoming a mother. I realized how much courage it took for her
to keep dreaming and keep trying to be a mom.
After many tears and trials, her dream came true. Not only was I born, but she also gave birth
to my sister and two brothers. Moving
forward through hardship is courage.
My mother
was diagnosed with cancer a year ago and is now on Hospice. This year has been a blessing as I have had
the privilege to witness my mother’s courage in action. I have watched her
handle each day with grace and a smile.
She never complains of the pain or discomfort. She constantly loves others and makes sure
others are comfortable before she focuses on herself. I have learned the biggest lesson this past
year from my mother: Courage is being
fully present. She spends time with
friends and family despite her illness.
Even when she is tired, she has spent hours with me crafting, talking,
sharing and creating memories. Not once
have we heard her utter a complaint, except for maybe my dad.
Next week, I
will probably be attending my mother’s funeral with my family… and there will
be no regrets. We will all remember how
courageous she was, and how she taught us all to get out of our comfort zones,
keep moving forward, and to be in the moment as much as we can. That is how I want to remember my mom. That is how I want to be. And my wish is that we can all learn the
lesson of my mother as described by Mark Twain, “Courage is not the absence of
fear – it is the triumph over it.”
