I'M BACK! -- I'M DOING THIS FOR MOM!

"I'm back!"  - If you read that with bells and whistles, extreme enthusiasm and cheers, you must be one of the few people who read my blog.  And I'm happy to announce that I'm blogging again for those of you who do want to read about our lives.  

In way of explanation: I took a three month break because my mother was in the last few months of her mortal existence.  My mind and heart were constantly with her.  I managed to make good memories during the past three months, many of those memories revolved around my mom.  And I plan on sharing those stories and pictures with y'all over the next few weeks. 

My mother passed away on January 12th.  She had been diagnosed a little over a year ago with a rare blood disorder.  We knew it was coming.  I thought I was prepared... but I wasn't.  It's been hard learning how to navigate this life without my daily phone calls to my mom.  And I miss her love, comfort, and encouragement.   But I also am truly grateful for her example of courage and how to be amazing!

Isn't my mom beautiful?!

I really do miss her so much!

(This picture was taken the week before Thanksgiving.)

So... let me start by saying that my mom was my biggest fan.  She loved reading my blog and would want me to continue.  This is for her.

Here's a speech I wrote about her for my Toastmasters International Speech Contest (and I'll be "performing" it on February 18th for the area contest):

CULTIVATING COURAGE

A 19 year old girl in 1966 left her family and childhood home in Colorado. She traveled clear across the ocean to Germany to marry her army medic.  She had never been without her parents, brother and sister.  She had never left the United States before.  She didn’t speak any German.  And she felt completely alone.  To heighten her anxiety, she flew on the German airline, Luftanza, where no one could communicate with her.

As I reflect on my mother’s youthful journey to marry my dad, I marvel at her courage.  She told me how afraid she was, but she pushed through her fear and moved forward having faith that she was doing the right thing.  Many years later she still recalls that experience and is surprised at her own strength and fortitude. 

Nelson Mandela said, “Courage is not the absence of fear – it’s inspiring others to move beyond it.”  That is how my mother has lived her life.  Through my mother’s example I have learned a lot about cultivating courage. 

My mother certainly stepped out of her comfort zone when she flew to Germany 56 years ago.  It’s definitely not easy for anyone to abandon a place where they feel safe.  Expanding our boundaries can help us gain experience, learn new things and discover new opportunities.  My mother learned this lesson well.  She loved living in Germany for two years.  She loved learning the language. She loved meeting the people.  Her courage allowed her to take advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

My mother struggled with starting a family, she taught me that sometimes courage is continuing to move forward despite the depression and not knowing what the future holds.  My parents were not able to have children for several years.  After a LOT of trying and unfulfilled pregnancies, I was finally born.  As I read my mother’s journals during those years, I learned about her despair and fear of never becoming a mother.  I realized how much courage it took for her to keep dreaming and keep trying to be a mom.  After many tears and trials, her dream came true.  Not only was I born, but she also gave birth to my sister and two brothers.  Moving forward through hardship is courage.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer a year ago and is now on Hospice.  This year has been a blessing as I have had the privilege to witness my mother’s courage in action. I have watched her handle each day with grace and a smile.  She never complains of the pain or discomfort.  She constantly loves others and makes sure others are comfortable before she focuses on herself.  I have learned the biggest lesson this past year from my mother:  Courage is being fully present.  She spends time with friends and family despite her illness.  Even when she is tired, she has spent hours with me crafting, talking, sharing and creating memories.  Not once have we heard her utter a complaint, except for maybe my dad.

Next week, I will probably be attending my mother’s funeral with my family… and there will be no regrets.  We will all remember how courageous she was, and how she taught us all to get out of our comfort zones, keep moving forward, and to be in the moment as much as we can.  That is how I want to remember my mom.  That is how I want to be.  And my wish is that we can all learn the lesson of my mother as described by Mark Twain, “Courage is not the absence of fear – it is the triumph over it.”