For the past two months we have been doing a Creative Writing class. It has been super fun, and all of us have really enjoyed writing (even Key Lime Pie). Perhaps I'll share some of our other writing with you one of these days, but today I wanted to share our letters to inanimate objects. We all enjoyed the assignment and laughed a lot. (It was also quite therapeutic in a weird way.)
Dear King of the most uncomfortable Chairs!
I would like to express kindly how much you have ruined and hurt my tushy of late! Not only have you ruined my beautiful backside, you don't scoot close enough to the desk, so I end up stubbing my toe. You are a disgrace to all the chairs that ever have been made! And... I feel sorry for you.
Mr. Chair, there is no doubt that you should feel ashamed. Well, there is much more to say, but I fear that I will hurt your feelings more, so I won't say them. Though I don't know why I am so nice. So, I inform you in the humblest manner!
I am writing this letter to inform you how much you mean to me! Pencil, I didn't think you could do much for me when I first saw you, I must admit. But now I regret those dreadful thoughts! Pencil, I would just like to say a couple of words: I love how you move so gracefully. Oh, Pencil, words are too short to express what I feel for you! I love you!
Your Beloved Kotten Kandy
Don't tell anyone, but I love you! You are amazing! You shield my hairy legs. You shield them in the winter, summer, spring and fall. I don't know where I'd be without you. I'd have to shave!!!! And I'd have to wear shorts. But I am glad that you are mine! And I will love you forever!
Key Lime Pie (Your Secret Admirer)
Dear Dirty Dishes,
I hate you! You get dirty every single time someone uses you. So, can you be more like pants? You can wear pants more than once before washing. Or why can't you be more like dresses? You can wear them once and they aren't dirty yet. So, I say again, I HATE you!
Angry Key Lime Pie
Dear Coke Icee,
Thank you so much for all the times you have come to my rescue. When I am thirsty, you have helped alleviate my thirst. When I am tired, you have woken me up. When I am craving sweets, you fulfill that need. When I am hot, you cool me down. I am truly grateful for your constant companionship. You don't judge me, and you let me use you without complaint. I am sad when, on occasion, you are unavailable, but for the most part you are always nearby. You should have seen my excitement when I learned you were moving closer to my home (only 1/2 mile away instead of 4 miles away). I was thrilled. I've never been disappointed with our relationship. I foresee many more years of friendship in our future. Thank you! I love you!
Dear Size 12 Pants,
Why do you have to fit so snugly. Sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe when you are buttoned. When I bought you two years ago, we fit perfectly. I thought our relationship would last forever. Now I am having second thoughts. Our partnership is hit and miss. Sometimes I still feel comfortable with our association but there are other times when I feel that you are smothering me. Can't we make amends? Can't we go back to the way things used to be?